The List

Hello Summer.

Where have you been?

We've been waiting for you for a long time.

The smells, the tastes, the sights, the memories only you can bring.

Welcome.

I sure hope you can stay a long spell

'Cause we've got some plans for you.

A preschooler no more

This is Hollis on her first day of preschool..and today after her last.

To be honest, I've been so busy getting ready for the trip, I haven't had time to feel real emotional about it.

Until...

She got in the car and started singing, "I'm off to kindergarten" song.

And then I got home and discovered the container of purple playdoh they gave her the first day of school in her bookbag.

Then the lump in the throat emerged.

She told me today,"I just love Mrs. Ann so much I could cry."

Mrs. Ann is her teacher and I can see why she loves her so much.

I don't think she has any sort of temper and when she gets flustered she just says,"I need prayers,prayers prayers."

I could take a parenting class from Miss Ann.

We always celebrate the last day of school.

I gave Hollis what any God-fearing patriot should give their young.

 A brand new water gun.

And for the record, she's a darn good  shot.

Watch out kids, this Mama packs heat too.

I know you are mistaking me for Jacquelin Smith right now, aren't you? :)

Look at Hollis' face, do you think I should be worried??

Ice cream with sprinkles is called for on a day like this.

And now folks...

summer has officially begun.

The Secret

Does this dress make me look fat?
Go ahead-you can say YES!!
It would make my day.
I have been keeping a big secret from you for 14 weeks now. I'm Sorry.
I'm on the nest.
I'm in the family way.
I'm expecting.
I'm preggers.
Yes, our new little "turkey" will be arriving just in time to watch us carve the bird for Thanksgiving.
And I have never been so happy in my life.
Some of you that read my blog know our journey to get here has not been easy.
For two and a half years we have struggled for this second chance at parenthood.
We have lost one sweet life along the way.
We have gone through several series of failed fertility treatments.
There were days when I was  broken soul. I was unlovable. I was angry. Sometimes bitter. I was heartbroken.  I felt entitled. And hopeless. And at times, undeservedly selfish.
Defective.
And the worst part?
I sometimes doubted God's presence in my life.
I'm embarrassed to admit that the most.

Everyday life was sometimes a struggle for me.
Baby announcements.
Library times with Moms and their multiple little ones in tow.
Birthday parties.
Expecting Mamas.
Walking past the maternity section in Target.
Innocent questions of when we were going to have a second one. Why we are waiting so long.
Watching the news at night with reports of abused, abandoned unloved children.
Hearing Jason say month after month,"This is the month, I know good things will happen for us."
I felt like I let him down so many times.

But God redeems and restores.
And His plans are great.
He was with me when my friends found out about our loss and showed up at our door with casseroles, tears in their eyes and offers to watch Hollis.
He was with me when family members drove ten hours or flew just so they could give me a hug and tell me they loved me and cry with me.
He was with me when countless friends and family put me on their prayer lists and sometimes daily calls of concern.
He was there with me the moments I could hardly breathe I was crying so hard- with Jason as he loved me through it all and vowed we would come through it better or worse-and stronger because of it.And we have.

It was all part of God's great plan.
He never left my side, even on the darkest of days.
It took going through all this pain and brokenness for me to realize it for the first time in my entire life.
He was with me.
Yes, He was with me the whole time.
And I'm so thankful He was.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways." declares the Lord
Isaiah 55:8

Randomness

A short re-cap of our week. It has been a really fast week, but a really good one.

Been visiting a new church for about 3 months.
It is ginormous- consider it a mega-church.
Hard to get used to from this Conservative Southern Methodist girl.
Last Sunday, the minister  spoke of God's unfailing love and grace.
It moved me to tears. Tears running down my cheeks kind of tears.
I have never been moved to tears in in any message I have listened to in 35 years.
I was caught off guard by my emotions but I loved the way it felt.
Can't wait to go back Sunday for more.

Paradise Cafe and Bouncertown with a good friend and her 3 boys.
Have you ever been to Paradise Cafe?
They have the BEST chocolate chip cookies ever.period.
I swear they put illegal substances in them to make them addictive.
I don't care. Call me an addict.

I am convinced I have the best friends ever.
They are amazing . Positive, loving,funny, loyal, generous.
And they hang with me though I am oh-so-flawed.
Even though some of them moved away and left me here alone in the Hoosier State-you know who you are-
I feel so abundantly blessed by their friendships.

Speaking of love, I am getting geared up to go back home South.
I can't  ignore the tug at my heart any longer.
Awesome family time, beach vacation, sweet tea and BBQ and "Ya'lls" here I come.
Oh, and my baby sister's new condo townhome. Gonna check that out too.
When did she get old enough to buy her own place?
Country roads. Take me home. To the place, I belong.

Hollis' last day of preschool is Tuesday.
Still strugglin' with that one.
Why is it so hard for me to let go?
Maybe it's cause I know what is comin down the road. Yucky talks about drugs. boys.friends.bad attititudes.
And other things I don't want to think about.
She has her "graduation" ceremony on Tuesday.
Hoping I can hold it together.
I think I need to go see the wizard for courage.
Or maybe I'll save that trip for the first day of kindergarten.

Lots of rain this week.
I love rainy afternoons.
There is nothing better than listening to the rain and snuggling up to Hollis for an afternoon nap.
I love listening to her breathe.
She reminds me of a baby rabbit the way she snuggles deep in the quilts.
Books. Homemade Chocolate Chip cookies. Naps.
Pure bliss on rainy days.

Hot date with the hubby tonight.
We are going to our favorite italian restaurant in Broad Ripple-Mama Corollas.
Mama's is nestled down in the heart of the city in a little stucco house.
Candles on the tables and fire in the fireplace.
And chicken parm.
We used to go there  when we were young and hip and cool.
That would PH (pre-Hollis) for all those curious minds out there.
I am looking forward to going out and not having to share ANY of my food or drink with someone in the family that never likes what they have on their plate.
Hint: I am not talking about Wrigley or Jason.

There you have it. Our week in a nutshell.
I am leaving out the ugliness of our week-the frustrating moments, the sad ones, the unimportant...
Cause you don't really want to hear about all that, do you?
Happy Friday!

Happy Birthday

To the one of the best Mothers/Grammies in the business.
If I can be half as good of a Mom as you are to me, well, I'll have succeeded at my job.
Hope your day was filled with love.
Happy Birthday, Mom.

Party Girl

If Hollis loves anything in this world, this girl loves a good party.

Or any party for that matter.

She decided to throw a shin-dig tonight.

She blew up balloons and borrowed my pearls.

Even Wrigley got in on the fun.
Bless his heart.

Cheetos, tuna fish sandwiches, and leftover pizza were served.

Oh, and lemonade.

That really put Hollis over the edge.

And Rice Krispie treats for dessert.

 Candles make everything a little more magical, don't they?

After dining, it was time to dance to the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack.

I asked Hollis why she wanted a party tonight.

She said," Because my Daddy works really  hard. And I miss him. And tommorrow he gets to spend the whole day with us."

I love the way you think, Hollis.

And I cannot think of a better reason to celebrate.

McGyver Wannabe

I happened to be busy writing a couple of letters on my back porch and looked up just in time to see this.

Yes.

That is a bungee cord wrapped around her waist and attached to the bird feeder.

I think she was trying to repel from the bird feeder.

She said she saw it on an Episode of I Love Lucy.

Note to self- I need to monitor her tv programming a little more.

At least she looked like a diva while trying to break her neck.

If you're wondering, this stunt did land her flat on her fanny and  in tears.

Shocker.

Anyone who says that boys are more mischievous than girls has never met my Hollis.

My money is on Hollis anyday of the week.

Gone fishin'

I bought Hollis a Winnie the Pooh fishing rod at a garage sale 2 weeks ago.
Yesterday she asked if we could take her fishing.
The fishing snob(who doesn't fish) in the group wanted to take her to some state regulated park .
Nonsense.
We were gonna kick it white trash style.
We took her to our neighborhood retention pond.
After digging up some anorexic worms in the front yard, we were off  like a dirty shirt.

We are a serious bunch, aren't we?

The fishing rod didn't have a bobber and you practically had to throw it in the water since it didn't cast.

I asked Jason if he thought that was the worst $2 I have ever spent.

He said 'yes".

Good thing he has already forgotten about the $3 cordless phone that didn't work I bought last week.

It was looking quite dismal for these fishermen.

UNTIL

These boys felt pity on us and lent us a bobber and a fat worm

They kept catching all these fish and then would shout"Look at this!"

I would give them a thumbs up sign and yell back, "That's Great!" 

Jason ignored them.

But LOOK....these kids knew what they were doing.

Now if we can just get her to touch the fish, we might make fisherwoman of her yet.

 And the fish will quake at the sound of our names.

The Sweetest Day

Hollis and her classmates have been anticipating this day for a long time.

The details were top secret.

I didn't know what to expect.

Today was the famed Mothers Day Tea at her preschool.
And I was the guest of honor-well me and 13 other Mamas.

I was greeted by the prettiest little girl with the prettiest little rose.

And then the pledges, both Christian and American.
I wasn't aware there was a Christian Pledge-but I'm glad there is.

And then some special songs just for the Mamas.
I don't think Hollis is ever going to be involved in drama/chorus or anything that involves standing in front of people and performing.
She had a sour look on her face the whole time. At one point I thought she might cry.
I kept looking at her and pointing to my mouth and smiling.
Like a  dreadful stage  Mom.
I was glad for that part to be over.
I think she was too.
We dined on fresh fruit and donuts and cinnamon rolls. The kids were all hopped up on sugar after that.
Poor Miss Ann and Miss Jody.
Then Hollis showed me the picture she colored of me.

In case you can't see this..Hollis apparently thinks I am "50 Hundred" years old.

One of the Moms looked at me and said," Dang Girl you look good for 50-100."

And then they started calling me a "cougar."

I almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard.

Yep. Classic symptoms of a preschool sugar high.

There are days in my life that come and go and I can barely recall them.

But this is one I will remember for years to come.

It is tucked away in my heart.

Thank you, Hollis, for being my daughter.

I love you to the moon and back.

The Invitation

I wouldn't miss it for the world, buddy.

Just call her Snaggletooth.

We had a big event happen today. Hollis lost her first tooth. I think she is way to young to be losing teeth but Mother Nature never asked for my opinion, did she?

The funny part?

She lost it somewhere between eating lunch with Daddy at the club and getting home.

She told me in the car that she had lost it and I started freaking out and almost ran the car off the road.

"WHAT?Hollis you just lost your first tooth!!"

And then she tells me to stop getting so excited because it's just a tooth for goodness sakes.

Seriously.

But we have yet to find it.

I have found french fries, popcorn and candy corn on my floorboard but no tooth.

A call to Jason was put in at the club asking him to scour the floors. No tooth.

She doesn't seem too worried about it, but I'm curious to see how the tooth fairy will handle this one.

Here's hoping she's one crafty fairy.